Sure I used to have a blog.

Fuck, not done one of these bad boys for a long time, the pressure to be consistently "funny" got to me.

Thought I'd start doing my hugely popular blog again with my (and probably a lot of other people's) view on the elderly.

In general it might seem that getting old, and by old I mean pension age up, not the stupid "ohhhh I remember back when I was in 6th form and now I've just finished my first year of uni" kind of old, is shit. And for the most part it most definitely is.

However, fear not, there are at least some benefits to getting old probably. Although definitely not a benefit is being the subject of idiotic questions regarding little puzzles to keep your mind active, from the always insightful Susan Ma: Skincare specialst.

I feel, and I'm sure you'll agree, that the best part of reaching a certain age is the ability to pass wind loudly and copiously. This convulsion of the bowels can be greeted by others in two (three) ways;

1. Being laughed off by relatives "good old Grandad and his farting"
2. Being ignored and people upon hearing it secretly hoping that you know what you've just done and that it isn't the first step on the steady decline to being placed in an expensive care home or, if your family is particularly nice a surprise holiday to Switzerland. What is it the Swiss love so much again?
3. Being called a dirty old bastard whilst loudly pissing yourself, often literally.

Another advantage of getting older is being able to say pretty much whatever the fuck want and having nobody care about it.Just imagine if Mel Gibson was a 70 year old man who called female police officers sugar tits, it'd be hilarious, well, almost as hilarious and if 70 year old Mel said this stuff he wouldn't have to shove his hand up a beaver's arse hole.

Telling youth what it was like in your day, despite the fact that your day (as in now) was pretty crap. 'Your day' will always be better than the future.

Possibly the thing I'm looking forward to most however, is being able to wear a suit each and everyday of my senile life. Alzheimer's here I come!!!


So getting old, it seems, would lead to you having the time of your life. Never mind memory loss, incontinence, loss of height, memory loss, being treated like a child and memory loss it's the thought that counts.