I fear this is gonna be rather a short one. I'm in a bit of a creative slump blogwise. After a mere four posts, what I believed was a vast reservoir of creative talent has turned out to be no more than a mug of creative juices.

 Some advice I picked up over the years.

If you're a man, never wear a shirt showing too much chest, there will always be that one knob who comes up to you and asks who you're trying to impress with that. On many occasions I've been said knob. In stark contrast however if you're the opposite of a man, women I believe they're called, ignore this advice however do be aware of the same knob coming up and asking the same question.

Do not under any circumstance think that your facial hair looks good. It most certainly does not. You naughty boys.

Drinking coffee instantly makes you more sofistikated, nothing like walking into a Starbucks and requesting a skinny mocha latte with extra whipped cream. Yum yum, are you friends with Stephen Fry? If you prefer to go for the more manly option however you will get a medium black coffee. No farting around with the Italian names. Medium black coffee mate, sugar and milk? You must be having a laugh, do I look like I have a pair of busoms? Milk my arse!!! If I wanted sugar I'd have some sweeties

Owning a broadsheet newspaper makes you look smart. FACT. It doesn't matter which one it is, you don't even have to read it, just look at the pictures of Hilary Clinton falling up plane stairs or of David Cameron shaking hands with an unknown foreign dignitary with a hilarious name.

Reading Swedish crime novels and subsequently acquiring a taste for them which leads to a foray into the local Waterstones to look for more can only end in disaster. Italian Shoes, a book actually named for shoes is actually about shoes, don't make the same mistake I did and assume it's a thrilling crime novel. It most certainly is not. An old man living on an island, finds a daughter in her 30's he never knew he had and then she makes him a pair of shoes. In Italy...

Thank you and goodnight CHESTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR